Help Schmelp

I have been thinking a lot lately about the amount of time we spend on self improvement, especially those of us in the fast paced, caffeine drenched, soundtrack driven west. As someone who hovers in this life as a participant and also somewhat sideways observer, some things have occurred to me about "self help".
One thing that is very clear is that unless you are reading a book about simple living, the "help" you are going to get is to try to make you better assimilate the frantic and furious existence you are already chasing. While this is certainly true about money ( just consider all those abundance books out there) its also true of things an innocuous ( snort ) as parenting books. I remember combing them for solutions, tricks, proof that I could do more be better: produce a well behaved child.
Ah, here you have it. The goal of western self help....
To produce or be a product. To consume or be consumed.
What does well behaved mean, anyway? Compliant. But that's another blog post.
The next thought I have about self help is that it has consistently pushed me in what it turns out is the opposite direction of where I need to go. Instead of observing my life: both inner and outer, which takes more time than I like, namely all of it, I am busy judging it, measuring it, plotting it like a movie script. And if I am doing that to myself, then imagine what I am doing to those around me.
Instead of trusting my own love for my kids I try this philosophy and that, commiting to the philosophy of living with children is easier than just living with and loving and finding your way together. But I highly recommend the latter.
Instead of just tidying or cleaning my house, giving myself permission to see what works, I buy book after book on systems, index cards, etc.
Over the last few years I have realized that we just have to simplify all of it, shut out the noise. I live on little, spend my days reading, doing chores, singing, being available, and making maybe plans. The pull is strong to join a movement, distract myself with a new total life makeover.
I am resisting.
The true direction I see that works for me is to observe patiently. Then make tiny actions. Or one big action. Accept that you will never be sure. It's out of your hands. Was it ever in them? If it all messes up, just sit still again and start paying attention.
Seriously. Better than any book.